After My Death

My life was quite boring and uneventful but I never expected that what I am going to see after my death. I remember the day when it pained severely around my stomach. I never knew the reason of the pain but when it started dimming it felt like that I was getting lighter. For a moment I couldn’t see anything.

It was not entirely clear that whether the pain was infinite or zero. Everything was either entirely bright enough to appreciate any resolution or everything was dark like unending night.

I was quite unsure at that time about my survival. I just remembered the tomato soup served to me in the university canteen at Manchester. It was delicious. The scene around me changed. I was in the canteen helping myself with the soup. It was really delicious.

There was a blonde girl sitting with another boy. She was really pretty. I wanted her in my room. I never had sex with a girl in my whole life, although I am a regular masturbator.

The scene around me reformed itself and she was with me in my room. She was looking beautiful in her red gown and with her red lips. I wanted to see her naked. She undressed slowly to complete nakedness and I came. I was ashamed and everything restarted. She became naked, I became naked, we kissed each other and I came. Repeat…. We were together on bed and I masturbated. Forget it…. It’s not going to work. I am only good with lasers. I have to do injection current experiments. I have to generate ac injection current in asymmetric and coupled quantum wells.

I was in my lab, my heaven, the place of my worship. I started the laser. The laser usually takes one hour to deliver stable laser output. So I went to my office and started some music on youtube. I think it was ‘break the ice’ by Britney Spears. After one hour I returned to the lab, unblocked the laser, measured the Terahertz signal, no need for maximization, it was on its all-time-great values 7mV. Then I installed the pockel-cell for switching between left and right circular polarization of light. And I had a perfect circular polarization of light and I measured some injection current in 11-14nm quantum well and went to Mark to discuss the results.

First comment from Mark was, „It is very nice signal.” After a while we concluded that it is a background signal. This fucking background signal is killing me.

Ok! Leave it. I want to see ‘Pirates of Caribbean’. I want to be Captain Jack Sparrow. The scene around me took a swift flick and I was on my own black pearl. The blue sea and blue sky were competing for the blue at the blue horizon. A small little girl was singing melodious pirates’ song. I didn’t have any idea that how long I was travelling. It seemed like ages. Or maybe my sense which sense passing time was confused or disabled. It was quite boring. My mind was empty.

For spite of moment I couldn’t think anything. What was happening to me? I remembered that there was a pain in my stomach, the tomato soup, the girl in red, injection current, Captain Jack.

I am certainly dead. The things taking form around me is just an illusion created by my own mind. Hang on! My mind! How could it be? How could my mind exist if I am dead? Ok! That means mind is not the part of body. Oh shit! I am in unending trap of illusions created by my own mind. I have to get out of it. How to do that? Ok! The point is I have to get out of here but from where to where?

The sea and the sky persisted with that horrible pirates’ song being sung by couple of ugly witches. I was afraid. The blue sea turned into a sea of blood. The ship started looking bizarre. The ugly witches started chasing me combining a vicious dance to their chase. I was running away from them. I fell. I couldn’t move. Everything was still. I was certainly going to die. Ok! It’s my mind. I can control it. I can change everything. I am the God in here. Change it to what? Go fast buddy else you shall be killed. Ok! Change it to some historical event. Ok! What event. Ok! Let become disciple of Lord Buddha.

Dense green wood was all around. I was the monk in saffron. The surrounding was being enchanted with ‘Budhham Sarnam Gachami’. We all were going to see our lord.

He was sitting under a thick banyan tree. It was peaceful environment. I just sat near his feet. The only desire in heart was to remain there forever. I wanted him to step over my heart. I wanted to get submerged in him. He suddenly opened his eyes. We all were looking at him.

He spoke,” It is important to know that what exactly is going round here. Try to realize the reality. Unless you do that you can’t be free.”

What’s reality? I am dead. I have to get out of here but to where? Ok! Use my knowledge to analyze the situation.

It is five layered stacked system: - body, energy, mind, intelligence and soul. I have already lost my body and energy. This fucking mind is playing games with me. So after this mind there is my intelligence. That is the thing which can control the mind and finally I have to reach my soul. My soul lies outside this Universe. I have to find a way out of the Universe. Ok! Where could be this way out? Ah! Ya! It’s through black-holes. Where I can find it? Ok! Every galaxy has a black-hole in its center.

Ok! Let’s fly towards the center! I headed high in the sky. In a matter of moment I was passing near the mighty red Jupiter. I left the solar system far behind. It usually takes several minutes for a light photon to travel this much distance but I did it only in a moment. I was nearing to the black-hole. It had immense attraction. I felt its attraction on myself. I was being sucked by the black-hole. I was at event-horizon. It was immensely bright inside there. It seemed that I was seeing freeze photons. The point was that what was the thing which I was using to see? I didn’t have body so I didn’t have eyes. It might be some extra perception sense. But what I was seeing was really beautiful. I went deeper. The photons were joined to form some kind of silvery plasma which turned golden when I moved deeper. At this point the attraction was so high that I couldn’t resist my fall in that golden fluid. For a spite of moment I lost my mind and then I projected with immense velocity on the other side of the black-hole. Everything was quite flat. Very slowly I recognized that I was lacking one dimension out of three dimensions. I was in two-dimensional world. Passing through the black-hole didn’t help me in getting out of the Universe but I got stuck with another clumsier Universe. The planets were flat. I was just wondering that what kinds of creatures were living there. When I reached a planet I saw that people could only live on the circumference of the planet. This world was quite unusual.

I sped back towards the black-hole. What was the dimension of the black-hole? It is small enough to have any dimension. Everything was quite hazy inside it. I remembered that there was a moment for which I lost my mind. I might have to stay at that position. I lost my mind again and the black-hole spat me out in some other Universe with different physical laws. This time this was the world without friction. Everything was homogeneously mixed with each other. I passed the black-hole several time but couldn’t stay at the particular point of desire. I wanted to return on the earth. Therefore, I passed the black-hole several more times to find the Universe I belonged but couldn’t make it.

I was terrified. I could never be able to see my world again. It was so nice on the Earth, the mountains, the woods, the rivers.

The scene around me changed again. I was on the Himalayan peaks. For the moment I felt relieved and then a surge of depression ran through me. It was all imagination. I just sat on a rock and started weeping. Oh God! How can I even be able to get out of this imaginary world?

YOU ALREADY KNOW IT. WHY ASKING ME.

After that I knew what I had to do.

I made an imaginary structure of God, a human form. We sat in front of each other. I closed my eyes. I felt that something from his body was coming to my heart. My body started emitting some light photons. Slowly, I was losing my existence. I was becoming more and more dispersed. I was becoming him. I was losing my own identity. I wrote this before I completely lost.